26 Nov Giving up Driving: How to have the Conversation

Posted at 02:44h in Advocacy, Aging, Blog, Resources by vintageleah

Giving up Driving: How to have the Conversation as a Caregiver and Older Adult

An individual’s ability to drive is often seen as a source of freedom and independence. It’s what teenagers long for and what older adults cling to. But, unfortunately, it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain our driving abilities as we age.

This loss of ability to safely drive is very emotional, and many individuals will do anything to maintain their independence at the wheel.

Unfortunately, this becomes a safety issue for themselves and other drivers, and many Colorado caregivers are faced with the reality of having difficult conversations with them about giving up driving altogether. With nearly 8,000 older adults age 65 and older being killed in car-related accidents in 2019 alone, this is a conversation that we all need to have.

If you are a caregiver for an older adult, these are some tips to help make the conversation about giving up driving go a little more smoothly.

10 Tips for Talking to Older Adults about Giving Up Driving

1. Understand their Emotional Attachment to Driving

For many older adults, driving is not just a means of getting around; it’s also a symbol of independence and freedom. It can be difficult for them to let go of that. As a caregiver, you must understand this and empathize with their position.

For example, consider the following dialogue example:

Caregiver: “I know it’s hard for you to understand, but the reality is that driving is getting more difficult. It might put your life and lives of others at risk.”
Older adult: “But I’ve been driving since I was 16! It’s all I’ve ever known!”
Caregiver: “I hear you and I can see why you would feel that it’s such a loss. But think about what could happen if we have another accident: not just to you, but also to other drivers and pedestrians.”

2. Talk about the Problem Together

Before discussing how to fix a problem, it’s essential to identify it. Then, take time to talk about why they have issues and what those problems might be.

Once you’ve pinpointed the most significant issues, develop some potential solutions. These can range from taking a driving refresher course to getting a car with adaptive features to using public transportation.

3. Let Them Make the Decision

While you might have some suggestions, the final decision must come from the older adult themselves. This can take time, so you must be patient.

However, the decision must come from them for their safety. If they can still make this decision, let them do so on their own time. The only time it may be beneficial for a Colorado caregiver to step in and make decisions is when an individual’s mental faculties begin to fade.

For example, consider approaching the Conversation in an empathetic, question-driven way:

Caregiver: “It sounds like you’re not sure what to do. Do you think you might want to take a driving refresher course? I know it might seem scary, but it could help.”
Older Adult: “I don’t know…maybe. It’s just so hard to let go of something that’s been such a big part of my life.”
Caregiver: “I understand that it’s hard, and it might take some time to make a decision. But I want you to know that we’re here for you, and we want to help in any way we can.”

4. Have Copies of all Their Paperwork Handy

If your loved one does not feel like they can make a decision or cannot make a decision soon enough, it can be challenging to convince them to hand over their keys.

To avoid this situation, have copies of any paperwork they need on hand before the Conversation happens. This often includes a doctor’s note and any forms from the registry or transportation authority that must be filled out to maintain their license.

5. Offer Assistance with Alternative Forms of Transportation

If the decision is made to give up driving, you must help them transition to other forms of transportation. This might include arranging for a car service or helping them to learn how to use public transit.

It’s essential that you are there for them as they pass on their keys and transition into a new way of doing things. By offering assistance, you can help make this change easier to manage.

6. Recognize the Change as a Loss

As older adults begin to lose their driving abilities, there will be an adjustment period and those around them. This is especially true if they’ve had to give up driving all at once.

It’s important to recognize this loss as a sign of aging and respect that it can be challenging to deal with. If your older adult seems to be struggling with this adjustment, offer them resources that might help them cope.

Here is an example of how you could approach this:

Caregiver: “This is difficult, I know. But take your time and think about what you want to do.”
Older Adult: “I need to start taking the bus…but it’s so weird not having my car!”
Caregiver: “If you ever need help catching the bus or any other kind of assistance, we’re here for you.”

7. Recognize Your Own Losses

As older adults begin to lose their driving abilities, the caregiver also faces an adjustment period.

It can be challenging for both the older adult and Colorado caregiver to acknowledge that transitioning is an integral part of their life. As a result, you will need time to process your own emotions surrounding this transition before you can truly help your loved one.

8. Create New Routines

For the older adult, giving up their ability to drive can mean a lot of changes in their daily routine. But, as a Colorado caregiver, you should find creative ways to fill the gap.

You must help them create new routines that will work for them. This might include things like grocery shopping or get to appointments.

Routines provide a sense of stability and can be very reassuring during a time of change.

9. Respect Their Independence

Even though they can no longer drive, older adults still deserve to feel independent. This is critical for maintaining a healthy and thriving quality of life.

Respect their decisions and allow them to make choices for themselves whenever possible. This will help them feel like they are still in control of their lives. If they have given up driving, make sure to find ways to encourage their independence in other areas.

For example:

Caregiver: “It has been quite a year! Let’s sit down and talk about what you want to do next.”
Older Adult: “I’m not sure…I don’t know what I want to do with my life now that I can’t drive.”
Caregiver: “That’s okay, we’ll take it one step at a time. Let’s start by finding something we can add to our day that you’ll enjoy.”

10. Celebrate their Achievements

Just because they can no longer drive doesn’t mean that the older adult can no longer achieve great things. In fact, these can be some of the most significant years of their life.

Celebrate their small victories and be there for them whenever they need to celebrate bigger ones. These can include reaching milestones such as age and anniversaries. They might even involve reaching milestones in the caregiver’s life like grandchildren!

Celebrating these moments together can bring you closer as a family and help ease the transition into an older lifestyle.

Seek Help As a Colorado Caregiver

Having the Conversation about giving up driving can be difficult for both the older adult and the caregiver. If you are struggling to have this Conversation or need more resources, reach out to a caregiving organization that can help.

Many professional resources are available to help you through this process and provide guidance along the way. By taking advantage of these resources, you can support your loved ones and encourage their independence while still maintaining a sense of safety and security.